good morning i woke up to a week full of no plans at all i suck. well minyan's coming over now and i feel like eating chicken rice?! besides that i dont know i am lost. gonna meet abby and shirley on 24mar though! exciting mucchhhh but im kinda scared and nervous..nd all. :/ o well whatever. man i wished more people could join us! but we'll make do i guess.
gonna teach minyan a duet later on on the piano ha ha. and sigh, why am i feelin so lost, where am i to go from today?

everyday, evernight.

there's something about nights that makes you feel a lil tipsy, and a lil sad. it's like the darkness actually literally fills your heart with darkness? it is weird, and just, scary. i am not the only one feeling like this. the day makes our heart happy, and distracted from things that makes us upset, somehow. and when night falls, damn our mind gets flooded with strings on unwanted memories, and especially lying on the bed before i fall asleep. what is this? everyone feels that way.. sigh.
anyway, i slept really late yesterday at 4.30am. i planned to sleep at 2am after the bbm chat with suanzee but after that, the boy bbmed me to ask if im asleep.. and then a conversation sparked off. we talked about nonsense, and then some stupid topic came up we were telling each other how much we love each other but we changed all the sweet words to negative words. like how love = hate. haha it was really really hilarious. but we laughed. alot. and this, was the first time he stayed up and not feel sleepy when having a bbm chat with me? hahaaha it was really amazing.. i love him. for who he is and who i am when im with him. i love him. and it ended of with a phonecall of his laughter..
dear boy, you should know how much i love you, and how much i would want to be here with you forever.. i hope this time it would last. i just dont wanna go through any breakage, and heartaches, and the whole "moving on" plan. really. i just want you, and last forever. i love you boy. we might not be the best couple, might not do what normal couple do, might not have both of our fb status to "in a r/s" because of issues.. but i am happy with what we just have now. love, friendship. everything.. please don't disappoint me. love. x

PRAY FOR JAPAN.

so, the past few days i came to know that japan is in deep shit. damn, PRAY FOR JAPAN. Japan is sucha sweet country, polite and all. Pray for Japan! Although they were part of the ww2.. in singapore. haha k whatever. #PRAYFORJAPAN

"why am i always waiting, im tired of waiting"

Scotty McCreery Love

im watching american idol now and yes adam lambert seems to be slimmer and so much hotter. tryna hear adam's vocal and my father just wont fucking shut the fuck up. so fucking irritating. yes and scotty is saved. /heart /heart /heart and pia and thia (sp?!) hahahaha xxxx anyway anyway anyway the pic above is my new dream catcher got it because it was green. hahaha. caught big momma today and it was a lil boring in the beginning but it got rly hilarious after that heehee. well thats all im bored and um, i have nothing to do no job bla bla bla. fucking sux. talking abt the boy, ive no idea, im getting more and more unstable and i think im losing this and i cant handle it anymore, dont you think this is ridiculous.. i just wanna end this, but i cant. so its like i wanna let go but i cant because.. i love him. ah fuck. sometimes i wished i never knew you. ok american idol's back and yes gonna watch catch this space nxt time xxx

You got me to a point that I should leave you alone.

i feel better actually, but there are intervals i just feel so fuckedup and upset. about you, and all the emotions you made me go through. i dont know. you say you love me. sure you do. but actions? now we're going to cut off all connections for like idk? months? whats going to happen within those months? am i going to meet someone new and fall in love with that person? you too? are you going to lose feelings for me and then hurt me even more and make me realise that all of this isnt worth it and break my heart all over again? guys are so capable of breaking a girls' heart. i dont know what to say when people ask about you. it just sucks.


i miss the feeling of being entirely happy without any reason of being sad.
fuck this shit, i need new things. i hate the world sometimes, and the sometimes is currently now. no one is free for me everyone is busy and im just like here going all THE FUCK.. because no one cares and no one makes time for me? no one has the "i am busy but o well guess i can take out some time to meet my friend for awhile?" i always do, and give in to all of you. but i guess all of you just dont know. i hope i go to poly and meet nicer people that appreciates what i do for them because it seems like all of you dont.

mother fuckers. go to hell.

And I’m done hoping that we could work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

something that's worth celebrating today: i did a successful messy big bun :)
Should I work at a restaurant? I am not really a f&b kinda girl yknw.. But o well. I think I am going nuts from all the boredom. :( HELP?

Beginnings and endings.

So I guess things are going to go back to how it was all along, the distant phone calls, the once in a while bbms, no more late night calls, no more communication, me feeling empty and upset and well you, studying. Going on with life. It has always been like that I remembered 2 years ago I told myself to be patient, to wait, wait for the day all this would be over. And then I thought 2011 is it, everything will end. But no, I guess you didn't do enough for this to be accomplished, it wasn't enough. Now, one more year of shit. Same shit, different year.
I really don't mind waiting and go through all this fucking shit again, after all I am numb but the things is I want to know if it's worth it. If I am going to wait for someone who's going to leave me anyway, then what is the point? You know, people change, you're human, you'll change too. So I am afraid. You ask me what have you done, and what I want. But if I told you what I wanted, will you be able to give me what I ask for? No. So, what is the point? There is no point.
For now, I'm just gonna live my life, shop, tumblr, tweet, blog, go to poly, make new friends, socialize, start new goals, study and do well for my year 1. I am very curious how this 2011 is going to be like.
Happiness is not an option, but rather a perspective. You can choose how you wanna look at things. I am tired of being upset and feeling upset whenever I wake up every damn fucking day - therefore, I am going to change my perspective of things I am going to change my mindset so that I can be a happier person. I used to be so happy, carefree - until you came along. It's like a white piece of paper, slowly stained with different dyes.
People say 2011 is a bad year, but why? Why classify something that hasnt proved itself yet? 2011, bad year? I will make it good. Live life! We won't be as young as we are today.
xxx

New space

For a new year. I decided i should pick up the habit of online blogging again. 2011's happenings shall be recorded here. Toodles! X